The 6Ts all-nighter staff

Warning: DO NOT attempt to view if you are under the age of 15, or have a delicate heart condition.

Cloakroom Operatives

This prestigious position has been filled by several unsavoury characters.

Loveable, pop-star drunk and substance abuser SHANE McGowan of the Pogues and Nipple Erectors ran the place for several years before we noticed he'd been sick in most of the pockets. His replacement, the lead singer of the legendary Welsh pop group the Alarm, used to pinch the hairsprays out of ladies' handbags to further solidify the group's 'dos and later 1960s garage beat throwback Alec Palao of the Stingrays pinched a few Northern Soul hooks while subsidising his art.

There's also been the Sharkey Siblings, Elaine & Hayley with The Northampton Girls' Choir, Brummie Mick (who has since absconded to Tenerife) and Kev Moore.

More recently we had local (Stevenage via Burnley) wit TEF who was occassionally aided and abetted by ITCHYCOO MARK, when he could find Oxford Street. Separated at birth from Harry Hill, these days Tef concentrates his efforts in modelling himself on Homer Simpson.

Last year, Tef passed on the golden coat hanger of responsibility to deposed bar-girl, JET TRETTON-SMITH. Jet with her dubious cohorts have been known to entice so many men into their black hole (the cloakroom, you fool) that she was forced to marry Northern DJ Tony Smith to prevent a scandal. That said, she looks after punters' coats better than she does Tony's record collection (allegedly).

On the Cash Desk

Originally undertaken by the estimable DAWN Cozens who'd brook no nonsense, even from the Glory Boys, there was then a series of operatives who now live in tax exile in Jersey. Lancashire lass JACQUI Green came to the rescue for several years until she teamed up with Berkshire DJ Mark Bicknell and fled to the frozen wastes of Oldham to marry and have Alsatians and membership.

Ady's wife, SYLVIA, then got her hands on the money and though profitability seemed to fall, she always had a lovely new outfit to greet the punters in. Undoubtedly the highlight of her vicious reign was when Ady was DJing at the end of an all-nighter at about 7.45 am and a fight broke out near to the stairs. Apart from being shocked, we were amazed as we'd only ever had a handful of scraps and never at that ungodly hour.There was also concern as Keb Darge, who was trying to split the warring couple apart, was getting the worst of it and he's a 73rd Dan or something in Tae-Kwan-Do. So Ady dramatically dived off the stage in mid record and prepared to get stuck in, only to find Sylvia and her sister Sue knocking seven shades of shit out of each other. A drinking session had got a little over-enthusiastic.

Until recently, we were blessed with the charming SHARON who took to the job like a duck to a wok. She's a people person who's PR skills have been honed at Eurostar making her the single biggest contributory factor to increased illegal immigration to the UK. The number of men that girl can cram in! At the 100 Club she made a point of remembering everyone's birthday and honouring it with a card or a birthday cake at least one year older than the recipient's. Tef of Burnley eventually captured her heart - with the chat-up line "Will you clip my ticket?". It followed that the couple who so successfully clipped and de-coated the merry punters for years took early-retirement and were wed in January 2004.

Sharon was relieved of her duties for a couple of years by KOLLA, whose Scottish roots assisted her uncanny ability to drink copious amounts of whisky, smoke constantly, talk nonsense and still keep a firm grip of the cash tin. Upon finding herself a husband though, she fled for the hills and Sharon stepped back in to the box to save the day.
 

The Muscle

Possibly the meanest bunch of villains on the scene; in as much as they've never bought a round yet.

BACKDOOR KENNY:
This has nothing to do with his love life or the fact that he hangs around the Gents. It's because he guards his rear exit with the alertness of a three-toed sloth. So busy is he keeping Red Bull in business, he tends not to spot intruders but, thankfully, he's so big they can't get round him anyway. His occasional forays on to the DJing decks are appreciated by all the punters who are too scared to go to the toilet while he's on duty.
 

WINSTON:
At last... a bouncer who's not a bleeding DJ. Winston has been a loyal servant to the 100 Club for many years now and is so ingrained in 6Ts life, he's even turned out for the Harboro Taverners CC. Though remarkably agile (according to his girlfriend), he's at least as old as time itself and was an original London soul boy down the Flamingo and other seedy joints. While enjoying a goat curry round his Notting Hill gaff I flicked through his singles and found a copy of Little Anthony "Better Use Your Head" he'd bought as a new release.

DOLLY:
A recent free signing from "Bad Girls", she could probably sort out the boys for breakfast. Recent motherhood has given her a strangely sparkley glint in her eye but don't be fooled. She still works undercover in the darkest corner ready to snap the arm of any talc sprinklers. You have been warned!

 
Secondary Muscle
The position that DAVE Clegg held for yonks was handed down to Southern lad, AL, in 2003. Just when you think you've safely entered the club by getting passed Winston, Kolla's better half is there to ensure you can negotiate the stairs without hanging on to the wall and don't loiter around trying to negotiate the entry fee.

Web Mistress
KOLLA also has the thankless task of hounding Horace for new web content and keeping the site up-to-date. That said, it hasn't gone unnoticed that she's so far failed to teach the boss anything about internet technology – thus making herself indispensable... for now, anyway!